Let’s face it: it can be hard to fall in love with someone who’s different from you. In this day and age, people have all kinds of different criss-crossing interests. Gamers and vloggers are rising higher and higher in pop culture as they get more and more viewers and sponsorship deals, while celebrities like musicians and directors are increasingly making use of technology in their art. Even Vogue model Karlie Kloss studies coding – so it makes sense that as the different worlds of technology geekery and pop culture merge, people from different sides of that age old divide are going to start meeting and falling for each other.
But is it really possible for someone from the geeky world to get on well with someone who has never seen Star Wars? Of course it is! Here are some tips on how to make sure that your relationship survives the night that you make them watch the entire Lord Of The Rings extended edition trilogy.
Engage In Their Hobbies… But Don’t Force It
If you’re dating a geek, then they might have plenty of hobbies that you don’t quite understand – and if you’ve spent most of your youth immersed in gaming and coding then a lot of the time, you might run in different social circles to some other people. Remember that you don’t have to force yourself to be into what the other person likes. The most important thing is that you accept it and that you don’t resent them spending time on their hobbies. If they’re interested, you can share your hobbies with them – take them to the new Star Trek movie when it’s released at midnight, teach them how to play your favourite game, give them your star citizen referral code – but there’s no need for you to force it or for them to force themselves to engage with something that they just aren’t into. If you want to play World of Warcraft one night with your buddies, that’s great – just remember that your partner doesn’t have to sit around doing something that they don’t enjoy. Likewise, it’s important for you to make an effort to engage in what they find interesting, but you should also remember that it’s okay to go in opposite directions sometimes to enjoy your hobbies separately. Coming back together to compare notes at the end of the night is often one of the most fun parts of a relationship. What will you have to talk about if you do everything together?
Understand That There Are Different Kinds Of Geeks
Remember that there are all different ways of being a geek – and all of them are totally valid. But there’s a huge expanse of geek culture that can seem impenetrable to an outsider – memes don’t make any sense if you weren’t involved in them, computer repair seems boring to people who don’t get it, and you have to admit that there are parts of Reddit that are decidedly not at all family friendly or kind. It’s important to make your interests clear to your partner – you don’t want to end up with a Doctor Who gift for your birthday if you’ve never seen the show. Being able to communicate well with your partner is really the key to a healthy and a successful relationship, so it’s important to make sure that you share your interests and that you really listen to each other – and that you shut up and start talking about something else if you see their eyes starting to glaze over…
Don’t Get Snobby About What You Love
If you’ve loved something for your entire life, you can often start to feel a little proprietal about it – but remember that that isn’t the way that media’s supposed to be engaged with. No one is a member of some elite exclusive club, and you need to remember that people come to different forms of media at different times in their life. Someone who starts gaming when they’re thirty-five is no less of a gamer than someone who’s loved it since they were a kid. There can be a pretty high level of misogyny in some gaming communities, and you need to remember that you should be respectful at all times. The geeky community can often feel difficult to break into for women, and somewhat unwelcoming – so you need to ensure that you create a safe space for them. Your attitude is the first thing that you need to change in order for them to feel happy and comfortable in your community. Remember that one of the most important qualities that will make people fall in love with you is kindness – it’s a myth that nice guys finish last. Openness, sincerity and kindness are irresistible qualities so you should try to display them in everything that you do – and remember that no one owes you absolutely anything.
It’s All About Obsession, Really
Remember that underneath, everyone has something that they really love – and a lot of the time, whatever it is is inconsequential on a larger scale but super important to the person. If you’re dating someone who loves makeup or boy bands or true crime, then don’t get dismissive – these things are just as valid as video games and whatever else that you’re into. Whatever someone else loves gives them that same frisson of excitement and warmth and being home as you feel whenever you pick up a console. Everyone is a geek about something – what sort of boring person doesn’t have interests and passions that they really love? At the end of the day, couples don’t have to have things in common to tie them together – the things that really matter are your shared views of what your future together should hold, as well as your ideas about the world in general. Spending time in separate rooms while you pursue your separate interests a couple of nights a week will make you much more interesting to each other and much more interesting for your friends to be around.